Change Yourself Without Judging Yourself
Do you struggle with self-judgment? You’re not alone. It’s a fallacy to believe that you have to judge yourself in order to change. Here’s a more gentle and transformative way.
Every one of us has habits that we’d like to change. On the path of personal growth and awakening, this is especially true of our mental habits. It takes a firm resolve to transform negative thought patterns into positive ones. But we cause unnecessary upset by judging ourselves whenever we catch our minds in the act of the less-than-desirable behavior.
Making a Change
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. You’ve probably heard that saying. The first time I did was in graduate school back in the 90’s. It has held true. I haven’t been exempt from that...Fire by Friction: the Legacy of 2020
[based on my talk from New Year’s Eve 2021: A New Beginning] No one needs to be told that 2020 was a difficult year. We all know the reasons why. But we may not realize that there is a gift in all that challenge: fire by friction. Have you ever started a fire?...Transcending the Victim-Tyrant Polarity
In this current crisis of George Floyd’s wrongful death and the re-igniting of the Black Lives Matter movement, we’re seeing the polarity of Victim-Tyrant playing out through racism.
It isn’t a new polarity – it has been perpetuated over and over through millenia with people of different races, religions, cultures, genders, and sexual orientations. It shows up even within abusive families. It also plays out through the plight of the planet at the hands of the tyrant of the human race. Every one of us can relate, in some way, to being victimized and, if we’re honest, occasionally being tyrannical.
Don’t Go Back to Normal – Be Extraordinary!
As I’m writing this, we are coming to the end of the first phase of our shelter-in-place for corona virus, and restrictions are beginning to lift. Everyone is looking forward to going back to “normal” – but that’s not what I’m thinking at all.
In fact, there’s a lot about “normal” that I am not interested in going back to, both in my own personal life and in our planetary experience. Instead, let’s stop fully in the present moment to assess what’s true, and step forward into the extraordinary!
Cutting My Hair
I sat in the hairdresser’s chair, elevated enough so that I could see my reflection in the mirror before me. I asked her to take a photo from the back to show my long tresses, flowing in waves and soft curls almost down to my waist. This was going to be a big change, and I wanted to have a visual memory of it.
For almost my entire life I’ve worn my hair long, with the exception of two short periods in my childhood that I decided to experiment – which turned out poorly – and four years in college where I wore my curls about chin length. I’ve strongly identified myself with the image of long hair – but is it Who I Am?
Recently, I’ve been revisiting this image, and the attachment I have towards aspects of myself, superficial or internal. The need to be the expert and to know what I’m doing. To shy away from getting dirty. To avoid taking risks. And, on a surface level, a woman with long hair. I’ve limited myself by these ideas of who I am.
Just Begin
I like to walk on the treadmill at the gym, since I don’t have a nice hilly area right out the door to walk. When I say “like”, however, that may not be the most accurate description.
For the first several minutes, I constantly look at the time – how much longer? It feels like a lot of effort, my legs feel stiff, my muscles cold and complaining. I question whether I can really do this today. I don’t feel like going up those hills, or walking so fast, or expending the effort. It seems daunting, and I am tempted to stop.
